The TRUTH about Quarantine

Life is amazing. I love my children. This family time is wonderful. Loving the quality time. Life could not be better. Is it? Is that REALLY the truth?! Is it REALLY sunshine & rainbows EVERY. F'. DAY!? If you said yes, you're lying. Not to me, but to yourself. Let's get real - REAL HONEST. Quarantine is not sunshine and rainbows. Some days completely suck & you might be holding on by a fingernail. Other days may be fantastic and you go to sleep hoping to have a repeat of whatever happened that day. Personally, I'm navigating day to day ...and sometimes, hour to hour. I'm not sleeping well. Too much on my mind. Will school go back to session? Will they have a lacrosse season or a least a summer season? What will happen for these kids for prom or graduation? What about my niece's communion, when or will that be rescheduled for this year? Vacation ...will we be able to have our annual vacation? ....and that's not even half of what weighs on me. Let's not even start with the grocery stores and the f' toilet paper issue.

Sometimes I feel we all get so tied up with what we see on social media. Most times, what you see on social media, it's the good stuff. Those pieces of the day that made it to print. Not the yelling, crying, or hair pulling that happens behind the scenes. You know .... "time to get up. You need to have breakfast & start school." ...you say that 3 times in your normal mom voice before PSYCHO MOM rears her head and then suddenly they are tripping over themselves down the stairs asking, "why are you always yelling?" What?? Did you NOT hear me the first 3 times I called your names to get the day moving?! You won't see that on social media. How about the arguments over school work? Nope, that won't make the cut either. Just the hiking pictures. Cooking or baking pictures/videos. Maybe some fun "theme day" photos. Family game or movie night. Those - those will be good for the FB or IG post.

Some things I've come to realize; I was right to change my major going into my sophomore year at Marist. Working with kids was not something I would enjoy every day. I'm so thankful for that externship during my freshman year. I love my kids, but they are an emotional handful! I could not imagine working with "everyone's" children daily. Teachers had my respect before, now I feel they are the unsung hero of raising a child. I also know that not returning to Human Resources was the right thing. While there is a list of reasons why I didn't want to return, this current environment sits at the top. I remember that empty feeling when you have to deliver the message that there are layoffs. Even having to bring in an employee for termination. It set the tone for the office. Having to relay that information to employees and families during this uncertain time - unimaginable!

For the first time EVER and I mean EVER, I feel like I have no real purpose. I'm not working right now due to the quarantine. Hopefully that will change come May, but that is to be seen. I'm no longer needed to be the "unpaid Uber" of the family. I job I consistently complained about, but miss terribly right now. Each kid has a room/space for homeschooling, one with a Chromebook and the other my MAC book. I can only do so much laundry and cleaning before I pull out every hair on my head. JD is working from home and thankfully his job is stable. Meaning, he too has a space and purpose during this daily quarantine. Shit, even the cats are still fulfilling their purpose of sleeping all day, every day. So, "Home-school Administrator" or in-house Principal is the title I have acquired. A position I never thought I would hold. It certainly is not a position I am qualified for, but navigating as we move this ship forward.

Personally, I am using this time for self care and personal development. I am going to focus on what my 2nd Act is going to look like. That's what I've decided to call it - I coined it on New Years when JD and I were talking about what we want in 2020. As I move into my 46th birthday (no worries, it's not until May - but at this rate, we may still be in quarantine), I want to focus on what I want for my 2nd Act - in health & nutrition, in career, in skincare (Yes, skincare - I am turning 46, I have to keep myself feeling AND looking good). So this is where I will put my focus. Working toward everything positive, post quarantine.

Quarantine feels like Groundhogs Day, only a lot less "organized." Anyone else feel this way? I'm someone who thrives in routine. I like organization and schedules. Even when our life gets busy, like "crazy busy" ...because is there any other type of busy? Our life is still "organized chaos." That's what I typically call our life. Family of four. Two active boys. Both in a sport per season. We function in "organized chaos." We thrive in it. Quarantine offers none of those things! I suppose I should be grateful and in some ways I am. This has caused us to slow down. Spend time TOGETHER. Less running around and more "face" time. These days, family dinner time is not a luxury, it has been a daily part of our day. That alone is the BEST part of quarantine. Quality conversations. More time in the kitchen with my boys - cooking with Dominick & baking with Tony. More board games and movie nights. Less electronics!! That. That alone may be my favorite part. However, like I said above, it's not all sunshine & rainbows. There are definitely days when I feel 5 gray ladies showed up on my head to let me know I need to get my hair colored & maybe the stress is starting to get to me ...a little. Overall, most days are great. I cherish those days. Making memories and creating a few new traditions along the way. Other days. Those are the days I'd like to flush down the f' toilet and start over. Those are the days, like today, that I am thankful for COFFEE and WINE and a Zoom Happy Hour with friends.

So, as I rediscover blogging, because I have not done this since 2012, and continue to develop this site, I will bring you, the readers, all along with me. I hope you'll keep reading and maybe even share this with friends. Who knows, this could become my thing. In the meantime, let's all just Quarantine & Chill a little bit more .... xo